7 Tips to Feel Safer During Intimacy When Worried About Performance Anxiety
Performance anxiety can kick in when you least expect it, but it doesn't have to rule your sex life. Here’s how you and your partner can make intimacy feel less like climbing Mount Everest.
1. Communicate openly with your partner
Talk about what's going on inside—honesty is the best policy here. When you open up, you create a safe space for both of you to understand each other better.
2. Focus on pleasure, not performance
Forget about being perfect and aim for pleasure instead. Focusing on enjoying every second with your partner can really lighten the load.
3. Practice self-care before intimacy
Give yourself some chill time—a hot bath or a walk outside can do wonders. A calm mind means you’re ready to be present in those intimate moments.
4. Start with light touch and foreplay
Ease into things slowly—start with cuddles and kissing, then work up to more. It’s all about feeling comfortable before moving on.
5. Try non-penetrative sex
There's no need for penetration every time. Try massage or oral sex instead—it can take the pressure off and introduce new ways to connect.
6. Use distraction techniques
When anxiety hits hard, find something else to focus on—like counting your breaths or listening to some soothing tunes. It’s a great way to calm down.
7. Consider a sex therapist for deeper support
Sometimes talking things out with someone who's seen it all before can give you fresh ideas and new ways to tackle the issue.
Exploring books on communication and sexual health could provide further insights and comfort.
- Burnout — Emily and Amelia Nagoski · completing the stress cycle instead of just managing the stressor.
- Why We Sleep — Matthew Walker · the case for sleep as the foundation everything else rests on.
- The Body Keeps the Score — Bessel van der Kolk · how stress and trauma live in the body — and what helps.
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